Insecurity

I went to a Beth Moore conference this morning on Insecurity (in women). And it was such a blessing, but I have decided that my most recent insecurity is that I may never get over this miscarriage. Ever since I have come home, Ive had the miscarriage cloud hanging over my head. Its fixing to be 6 weeks since it happened and Im sorry to say Im not there yet. Ive heard from other women that it takes a long time. But Im here to tell you, I feel so haunted by it. I pray and I pray and I seek guidance from people around me, but I can't find my strength. Now come to think of it, Ive thought alot about it this past week. I dont know what to do or where to go from here. I need you Lord now more than ever. Ive never felt more alone. Please wrap me in your arms...

BIG DAWGZ

I hate to admit it but since we got Mac, I have neglected my two big labs, Goose and Roxy. Gavin and I were planning on getting one of his brother's lab's puppies, but then we found out she wasn't pregnant and we couldn't wait. So Gav found this place in Tylertown with black lab puppies. We drove out and picked up our first baby. I will never forget it. I entered the cage with Gav's mom and we thought, "Aw this one is so calm, this is the one." Little did we know that Goose would turn out to be the wildest, goofiest, spastic dog we've ever seen. He has always been wild and hasn't calmed down yet. So now we have Goose and we had just gotten engaged.

We got Goose in May and in the next few weeks we found out that his brother's dog was pregnant. We adore his brother's dog, Suzy, and really wanted one of her puppies. Well the puppies get here in July and we decided one day after church to go see them. BIG mistake or maybe it was the best blessing. I walk in, hold that puppy, and it was all over. Next thing you know we are leaving with what we called "my" dog, "my" baby girl, Roxanne or Roxy as we call her.

We get married in December of that year and move into a 1000 sq ft apartment on the 3rd floor. It was the most fun, challenging, and crowded year of my life. I will always remember having those dogs at that apartment, for good and bad reasons. When I say we were blessed by Roxy, I mean I can't imagine not having her in our life. She completed our family, until one weak moment in 2009 when Gav bought me an inside weenie dog you know as Mac.
Goose and Roxy are a pair and when one of them goes it is going to be hard for the other.
Here are few pics of my big dogs sitting with us on the front porch.

Goose showing off his tongue.
I've never seen a dog adore a human like Goose does Gavin
Roxy Baby
Goose Man!

Easter Weekend...

You might want to grab a cold drink and snack for this one..it's a little long.

Easter weekend started off with my mom and I going to see my new twin 2nd cousins, (got that)? Anyways, my mom's family lives in Monroe, LA. I adore going there. It holds sooo many special memories for me. Gav said one day he will take me to live there, and really it's not all that special, just family and that is special enough. But, we go to see my 1st cousin Peter and his wife Jennifer. They have a 2 year old JP and around 1 month old twins, Molly and Grady. They were all so precious. I've never known anyone personally to have twins so it was really neat watching how well they all flow together and have a nice little routine, for now anyways. Thanks Pete and Jennifer, we enjoyed loving on those babies.
After getting back from Monroe, I went to get "my girls" better known as Mattie and Millie. Now, I have 1 other neice and another on the way, but unfortunately the little girls live far away, and at this season of my life, Mattie and Millie are close, but I love them all the same. Sorry had to get that out of the way. I get Mattie and Millie just about every Tuesday, but this was a special day, they got to spend the night. We started off the night painting on the porch, eating some junk food(sorry Amelia), and later we dyed some Easter Eggs. We had so much fun. They are getting to be giggly little girls. They tell secrets and make jokes. Although, they really are completely and I do mean completely different. I will write about this later, but for now I love you girls and you will always have a Yaya.
I guess I should explain that I am Yaya to my neices and nephews. It's pronounced like dayday. Now you know.
My girls on the porch. It was such a beautiful day. They are eating pizza rolls, Mattie loved them and I think Millie ate them just because Madison did.?.?.?

SATURDAY
Saturday morning was so great. I love waking up with my hubs in the bed and not at work on the weekends. We got up and took the girls home, made some stops, then off to Clinton for TJ's 1st Birthday. I love my Nowell family and the little ones they have made. TJ is Gav's sister, Marianna's first baby boy. We had a blast, especially in the jump jump Mae Mae and Poppy bought for all the grandkids. They knew I would probably get in too. I couldn't resist.
Hannie with the Singing Bday Cake. It comes to every party. TJ didn't know what to think.

Caleb really enjoyed the cake.

SUNDAY
We woke up and went to a beautiful and emotional (for me) Easter Sunday service. We love our new church. After church, Gav and I spent time together and alone it was so nice. After taking our traditional Sunday nap, we headed to my mom's park in her neighborhood, better known as Nana's park, for the 1st Annual Adcock Easter Egg Hunt. My mom really is a great Nana. She put loose change in some of the eggs just like she did when I was little. Wow did it make my neices and nephews day to get those eggs with 10 and 25 cents in it. The kids had a blast and I managed to catch a few pics too. Happy Easter!

Uncle Fish and Mattie...

Sela Bug
The whole gang, left to right (Sela, Mattie, Millie, Hunter, Harrison, and behind Harry is Hayes)


Oops I almost forgot, my baby, Mclovin turned one on Easter Sunday. Happy Birthday Mac. I love you and will always always dress you up and embarass you. Love Mama

Sela's Bday

Sela's birthday was the weekend before Easter weekend. She is our little Easter present forever... Anyways her birthday was held at the Reunion Equestrian Center?. She is really into "sorsies" and of course she would be because that's how my brother and I grew up with lots of "sorsies", so naturally he would carry on the tradition. My SIL Carmen had the place decked out with horse posters, rocking horses, a real live horse to ride, and a table for Queen Sela and all her friends. By the way, her name is pronounced like Sheila but it's Sela (long e). We had a blast and had some yummy cake that looked like a "sorsie" head. I love you Sela and I am so proud to be your Yaya.

Guard Dog

Here is Mac on a good day. Nice and lazy and calm....and then....
"Uh Oh Mama! Something at the window...I will protect you."
"I've got my eye on you."
The culprit is clearly spotted in our front yard. Mac is especially not fond of this dog.
"Yeh, you better get out of my yard, you mangy mutt."
Thank you Jesus for my sweet guard dog.

Chuck E Cheese and The Park

My mom, Gav, and I had some good quality time with my nephews and neices over Spring Break. I absolutely love love love being with them. We missed the youngest one, Sela, because she had a fever virus, but maybe next time. So my mom kept the boys on Thursday night and decided to take Mattie and Millie with all of us to Chuck E Cheese. Chuck E Cheese is at a new location and so far has been an enjoyable experience for the money. Mom and I are club members (dorks) and we get good discounts. They also stamp everyone in your party so that no one gets out the door or kidnapped. Although, by the end of this particular trip to the Cheese I was hoping someone would kidnap me.

We started off having a lovely time and noticed that the crowd was a little heavier than usual, but with smiles, Mom, Gav, and I all took the giant leap into psycho ville. A million birthday parties and I am a worrier so I was keeping my eyes on 5 children at once. All was going well until I spot this one child climbing up the ski ball alley to place his ski ball in the 100 slot to get more points thus more tickets to get one thing of Pop Rocks for 100 tickets. Anyways...Ugh NO! The teacher came out in me, I tried so hard but I got the attention of an "Oh So Pleasant Chuck E Cheese employee" and said, "Hi could you say something to that child, we come here often and would like for this place to remain a nice place." Well he reluctantly walked over there and the child glared at me like he was going to come over there and body slam me. This made me even more mad. The child then turned around and threw the ski ball (Baseball size and hard) at the chute. It flew back and man for once I wished it would've knocked him out for that attitude. Instead he laughs and looks right at me. This all took my mom over the edge who said something again, but honestly without a parent watching this child what is an "Oh So Pleasant Chuck E Cheese employee" really gonna do. The kids had a great time so moving on.

My oldest nephew Hunter comes home with Gavin and I and we all decide to meet up tomorrow at Lefleurs Bluff State Park which is where the Natural Science Museum is. We meet up, boys and girls, and go the park and with the help of my sister Amelia we all had a pleasant time having an old school picnic with peanut butter and jelly instead of Chick Fil A. It was nice. Then we headed back to Nana's park which is in her neighborhood and had a private early Easter Egg hunt. My mom is so great, she put quarters in them and two of the eggs had $2. Wow!! Big deal trust me. Well my lucky little nephew who got the most tickets at The Cheese found both $2 dollar eggs. I think Uncle Gavin and I will take him to the casino on his 21st birthday. Lucky little man.

I had such a wonderful time being with my neices and nephews. I love them as if they were my own and would adopt them all in heartbeat.

Mattie you are such a monkey.
Hayes and Millie truly love spending cousin time together.
Harrison-"Watch me Lacy!"


Hunter is so handsome.

The night before at, should I dare speak its name. Chuck E Cheese

Sad Times

Today is a sad day. I was told Monday March 22 that my sweet baby had gone to live with Jesus. I was absolutely crushed at the time and still am, but every moment that passes, every hour that goes by makes it a little easier. I understand that as a God fearing woman, Jesus loves me soooo much and is taking care of my angel in heaven.
I just wanted to take a few moments to express what it felt like to go through this and hope to recap later on, but here it goes. I had some unexpected bleeding on Week 8 Day 4. We went to the doctor Week 8 Day 6 and heard that wonderful most precious noise that brings tears to my eyes everyone, that sweet little heartbeat. We felt like we when in the clear. The doctors put me on bedrest for the week, (my springbreak). When I went back on Week 9 Day 6 we had no heartbeat. I bled all week and had some cramping that did feel like period cramps. I do a good job of worrying but I really thought that everything was going to be okay. I was there with my sweet momma when we had the sonogram. That day March 22, my sweet baby had toes. Thats what I couldnt get over and wish I hadn't looked because you want to see that flicker, but no flicker of a heartbeat. It was very sad. I elected to do a suction d & c today March 23. It went so well. I couldn't have asked for better care. Thank you ladies.
I understand that this blog might upset some people and for that I am sorry. I started this blog to give myself an outlet, to write and express myself. I hope that you can take this entry with stride or just skip it and don't read it. BUT I needed it.
I will always love our first baby Nowell and can't wait to meet you in heaven. I also wanted to say that my friends and family have been awesome. So without Jesus, my Gav, family, and friends I wouldn't have made it. Thank you all and I love you.

Revelation 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away.

Happy St. Patty's Day-A Day Late

We have 3 dogs. Goose and Roxanne (Roxy) are black labs and McLovin (Mac) is a black long haired dachshund. The big dogs live outside and my baby, Mac, lives inside. We love our dogs so much, but sometimes wish we would've thought it through how much money they were going to cost us. Here are some pics of the pups on St. Patty's Day.

Gavin

So I decided to do a post on what I think an exceptional husband is at the age of 23. The reason I put an age on this is because I hope as Gavin and I grow closer to the Lord our expectations rise. Gavin decided to spend his spring break with me since we were both off. I had these BIG plans for spring cleaning, but unfortunately have been put on bedrest due to some unexpected bleeding. Poor Gav I am sure that this is not how he saw his week off, babying me and waiting on me hand and foot. Ladies, he has not complained one time about anything I have asked of him. Drinks? yes, Pills? yes, Pillow? yes, rub my back? yes. It goes on and on. Personally, I feel that Gavin is so wonderful and is beyond more than I could ask for, but I do understand that neither of us are perfect and fall short. Regardless, I feel that Gavin strives to be a great husband, and I am guilty of being lukewarm in our marriage at times. Here are two verses that strike me as I read through my Bible.

1 Corinthians 7:3 "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." Gavin does an amazing job of this. Ive never asked anything of him that he hasn't found a way to do for me.

Ephesians 5:23 "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is Savior." Gavin is so good at motivating me to do what is right. During our church hopping year I was bitter and negative. He remained positive and willing to bend just to find the right home for both of us. He led me just like Christ leads us, and I can never thank him enough for that.

Basically, I always knew I would get married, but not to someone like Gavin. Gavin and I started dating when we were 15 (ahhhh). We liked each other and then fell in love in college, the rest is history. Being married has been such a challenge, but when you have a man in your life willing to talk and compromise it makes everything so much easier. Of course, there are things that bother me about Gav. Sometimes I feel these things are magnified, but I just wanted to take this time to remind myself and share with you how wonderful a husband can be. I pray for Gavin and I daily, and thank God for blessing me with my other puzzle piece.

It doesnt hurt that he does the dishes.

Scary....

Scary thing happened this weekend. We thought we lost the baby. Lots of bleeding on Saturday night so we had to wait until Monday morning to get a sonogram. I am 9 weeks tomorrow and have already had 3 sonos. Now I understand that that sounds like I am an over dramatic psycho preggers woman, but when I say it was serious, it was pretty serious. We get to the doctor and thank the Lord that there is nurse practioner who just started and Ive already seen her twice. I trust her very much. I had an exam and everything looked fine. She gave me NO reason why I was bleeding. Her exact words, " There are some women who just have these things happen to them." She left the room and I looked at Gav and said, "Hey my name is Some! Nice to meet you."

Needless to say, everything was okay with the baby. Got a nice picture and a great heartbeat. I don't know who sings the song on KLOVE, something about praise you through the storm. This song keeps coming to my mind, but honestly I feel so selfish for feeling that way because we are already so blessed. There are so many people in this world whose "storm" is just awful. Thank you Jesus for loving Gavin and I regardless of all of our faults. We love you.

A Day with the Girls

My mom and I took my neices, Mattie, Millie, and Sela to the Natural Science Museum and a picnic in the back of Yaya's Sequoia. We had so much fun. My mom is such a great Nana and the girls had a blast. Love you girls....

McLovin (Mac)

I think that my mini doxie is just the cutest doxie Ive ever seen. But his personality is what makes him the best. His name is McLovin (shoutout to Superbad) and he is our baby for now. Here are some pics of him playing with his orange.